Wednesday, April 23, 2014

"But" Out!



"But" Out!
23 April 2014

Yep, pun intended... while seeing these three celebrity derrieres may cause you to wonder what's Missy writing about this week, the focus is more cerebral than anatomical!  This week's blog post theme is borrowed from Daniel Pink's book, A Whole New Brain: Why Right-Brainers Will Rule The Future. I listened to this book several times while out for my walks during the week, and a simple concept he mentioned has peaked my interest.  It's easy to do and represents a powerful shift in thinking more positively and with a solution-based perspective.

Here is how "but out" works.  When you might ordinarily use the conjunction, "but", substitute "and" for "but."  That's straightforward, and not necessarily easy or effortless, so it will take some work to make the change.  Read the previous sentence again and notice the magic of how "and" works positively begging for a thoughtful resolution.  With the "but" in the sentence, it leaves you with a problem dangling there rather than a plan / solution: That's straightforward, but it's not easy or effortless to put into practice.

Amazingly, Pink's technique is a profound thinking tool because it leaves the mind open to finding a way to balance seemingly opposing ideas through devising means to connect rather than repel.  While you may dismiss this idea as 'rosy-colored glasses' thinking, consider the scientific research on mindfulness.  Someday when you are Googling around, check it out -- there are a myriad of articles to explore on the topic.  Much of the research focuses on observing the healthful benefits of thinking and communicating in an affirming modus operandi.  Mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually, and socially humans benefit from what Norman Vincent Peale touted in 1952 with the first publication of his book, The Power of Positive Thinking.

While critics dis Peale's book saying that, because his writings are full of personal stories, the methods / techniques cannot be substantiated.  Of course, scientific research has explored the effect a more optimistic outlook has on the whole person...and certainly on the brain's ability to consider alternatives to the perplexities of life.  

Again, here is the formula:  take out "but" and exchange it with "and."  Subsequently, add "so" to the rest of the thought.  See where it takes you.  "I would go on vacation, and I owe the IRS a ton of money, so I'm going to have to get creative about how I can get some much-needed R & R."  "I'm 58 years old, and I am not inclined to relocate, so I'm going to have to demonstrate to potential employers that my experience, educational preparedness, and high energy make me a viable candidate for the job locally."  "I love to take walks for exercise, and I work long hours during the day, so I'm going to have to find other ways to walk and put in my time at work.  Perhaps, I can join or start up a mall walking group of other business people for after work. Or, instead of going out to lunch, I'll pack portable healthy food and eat while I walk outside and enjoy nature with a break from being indoors all day."

This week, consider participating with me in changing your thinking by changing your communicating -- give "but out" a test drive.  And then, come back and post your observations at the end of this blog.  I'd love to hear from you!

"But" Out!






Thursday, April 10, 2014

9 April 2014

Let It Go!


"...The wind is howling like this swirling storm inside
Couldn’t keep it in, heaven knows I tried...

Let it go, let it go
Can’t hold it back anymore
Let it go, let it go...

It’s funny how some distance
Makes everything seem small
And the fears that once controlled me
Can’t get to me at all

It’s time to see what I can do
To test the limits and break through
No right, no wrong, no rules for me
I’m free

Let it go, let it go...

Here I stand
And here I'll stay

Let it go, let it go...

I’m never going back,
The past is in the past

Let it go, let it go...

Here I stand
In the light of day
Let it go, let it go..."

Okay, okay.  I can almost see you rolling your eyes and thinking, "Oh no, here's yet another cover version of that Frozen song."  While the song, Let It Go, has been parodied and sung by everyone including "Adele Dazeem", this blog theme is about why the phrase sings (yep, pun intended) to me...and perhaps to you, too.[ By the way, if you haven't heard of "Adele Dazeem", please google the name because it's an interesting story.]

While doing some research for writing these thoughts, I looked up famous quotes about "letting it go."  Some referenced letting go of a lover. Others focused on letting go of one's adult children, jobs, money, desires, dreams, or even life itself.  Additionally, there were penned quotes about letting go of philosophical beliefs or myths.  I found it fascinating there are hundreds and hundreds of illustrious quotes on this theme. Here are a few:

“Some birds are not meant to be caged, that's all. 
Their feathers are too bright, their songs too sweet and wild.
 So you let them go, or when you open the cage to feed 
them they somehow fly out past you. And the part of you that knows 
it was wrong to imprison them in the first place rejoices, 
but still, the place where you live is that much
 more drab and empty for their departure.”
― Stephen King


"When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be. 
When I let go of what I have, I receive what I need."
 – Tao Te Ching


"We must be willing to let go of the life we’ve planned, 
so as to have the life that is waiting for us."
 – Joseph Campbell


"Some of us think holding on makes us strong, 
but sometimes it is letting go."
 - Herman Hesse


"There’s an important difference between 
giving up and letting go."
 – Jessica Hatchigan


"Anything I cannot transform into 
something marvelous, I let go." 
– Anais Nin



                                                "What's the greater risk? Letting go of what 
people think - or letting go of how I feel, 
what I believe, and who I am?"
                                                         --Brene Brown




Let go of your attachment to being right, 
and suddenly your mind is more open."
 – Ralph Marston


The last quote cited above by Marston "strikes the nail on the head" for me.  Over my life, I have won battles and lost wars over the profound need to 'be right', refusing to 'let it go.'  Can you relate?  Two situations came up over the last couple of weeks that have had me humming, Let It Go, to myself...challenging my "I'm right" notion so that I can let go and free my mind to open.

While watching the news on April 1, 2014 (Yes, on April Fool's Day.), I learned that Tyler Summitt, age 23, was taking over as the coach of the Louisiana Tech women's basketball team.  Say what?! I was astonished! Fair enough his Mom, Pat Summitt, is a women's basketball coaching legend -- but, Tyler's only 23 and he looks 13!  What are they thinking hiring someone this young for a position of high visibility and leadership? Am I right?  How many of you saw this on the news and had a similar reaction?

The other instance where I was stunned was at the funeral of a dear college friend.  While visiting with some other guests just before the memorial service, a young man came up to introduce himself as the pastor of the church and one of the officiants for the day.  Holy cow!  This guy was barely old enough to shave, and he's the leader of the largest church in town!  I remarked my surprise to my friend who was with me.  She quipped,"That's what they are doing now days to bring young people back into the church." He can't possibly be ready for that level of power in a church -- am I right?  

Upon reflection, I realized I was guilty of judging these two very young men for being placed in key leadership roles because they are young.  I judged them only because of their age, and I felt quite "right" in doing so.  And it dawned on me that, in the same manner, I have railed against others when they harshly judge women over 50 who aspire to be in positions of leadership.  

I need to 'let it go' -- the need to be "right" and the propensity to judge based solely on age lest I fall victim to the judgement of younger people looking at me as being "over the hill" and so unworthy of leading. Ouch!  This was a tough lesson. Without meaning to overuse this phrase, I have turned, 'let it go' into my mantra.  I encourage you to comment on where in your life you need to 'let it go.'  Have courage...post your 'let it go' intention for your life and inspire us all.

                                                         "...It’s funny how some distance
  Makes everything seem small
And the fears that once controlled me
  Can’t get to me at all...

It’s time to see what I can do
To test the limits and break through
No right, no wrong, no rules for me
I’m free

Let it go, let it go...

Here I stand
And here I'll stay
Let it go, let it go...

I’m never going back,
The past is in the past...

Let it go, let it go..."